is one whole day to myself on the couch, in my jammies, candles lit, lights down, fire glowing, my loved ones taking it in turns to pop in with warm drinks, snacks and a hug every hour, watching the White Lotus with unseen eyes .. oh and my inner critic on sick leave.

Who’s with me .. well not with me cos no one is invited to this but ykwim 😘

….
INTEGRITY
It’s 6 years now since perimenopause started and all the balls I had been juggling began tumbling to the floor.
Late identification came soon thereafter as it does for so many of us experiencing the cacophony of hormones and neurodivergence.
Through this unknown territory I searched for ways to make it through, for perspectives that would be helpful for me that I hadn’t known
Self compassion and all it promised, and the associated compassion to others landed with me .. I mean how could I possibly go wrong if my goal is deep self compassion and kindness of thought to others?
But the reality for me is that this ideal was impossible. Not because I wasn’t trying, but because, honestly it’s not reflective of what I needed.
Over the past few weeks I have stepped into integrity. This step has been the most compassionate step I have made for me. It is coming back to a deep self trust and an end to a gaslighting of my feelings and my experiences.
It’s a deep self honouring and behaving in line with my own worth.
It’s an allowing of all that I am.
Integrity… as an AuDHD this feels so much more honest, healing and spacious for me.
If you are struggling with self-compassion maybe integrity might be a truer more honouring and more deserved intention for you?

…
DISCLOSURE
It’s a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong who, what, when, where and how.

If I could recommend anything it is to listen to your own inner voice on what feels safe.

For me there was only one choice.

I am deeply aware of my privilege… I am self employed, loved, self content, healthy and happy.

For me it was important I use my privilege and my voice so others could also wonder .. could this be me too .. and for others to reflect on the societal held stigma towards Autistic people that so many of us unconsciously hold.

For me why wouldn’t I tell everyone this fundamental part of who I am?

Yes some relationships will be impacted
Leaving room for the right people to find you
Yes your life will change
And for me my life has never felt so right for me
Yes my career changed
And today I get to work with so many other ‘lost women’ to share language and community, to highlight the importance of soothing and nurture, to let them know they were never wrong or broken, just misunderstood and deeply isolated.

I love what knowing myself has opened up for me.

I am so glad I never listened to them, but, instead, listened to me.

Note: if you don’t feel ready to disclose, listen to that. And if you do, and like me are in a place you can safely do so, there is so much stigma we still need to break and each voice that can add to that, is a step to a safer place for all 💞

…
The co-occurrence of being ADHD and Autistic is vastly under-identified - until 2013, a diagnosis of both could not officially be given together (as per the DSM) – whereas studies now estimate that 50–70% of Autistic people are also ADHD.

This is only one of the many ways the deficit based medical model has let us down.

It’s also important to know there is a reciprocal masking of being ADHD and Autistic — for example, ADHD high energy can hide Autistic social exhaustion, while Autistic structure and rule-following can camouflage ADHD-related difficulty with organisation.

This one masking the other means many of us who are both Autistic and ADHD find it harder to identify ourselves. It’s far from straight forward!

ADHD impulsivity (e.g., blurting out, jumping quickly into action) can exist alongside Autistic difficulty with transitions — meaning the sudden shift created by the impulsive action can feel overwhelming internally and discombobulating.

An Autistic love of routine and predictability can be experienced with ADHD struggle with routine — making the very thing that soothes you the thing that’s hardest to maintain.

Those who are ADHD and Autistic can have Autistic deep, long-lasting passions and also ADHD love of novelty and shifting interests — creating an inner push-pull between wanting to stay with one thing and wanting the stimulation of something new.

Being Autistic and ADHD is balancing a nervous system that creates calm, order and structure with a mind that seeks stimulation, novelty and fun.

Two totally different operating systems competing for your support.

For me, though, above everything, ADHD made sense - but simply didn’t hit (all the) mark(s).

These are meant as gateways to reflection and being AuDHD is far more nuanced than any post can accommodate.

If you want to explore this or another aspect of your neurotype, I have a limited number of one-off sessions in January: The NeuroCuriosity Hour .. DM for details 🌟